My Identity Kit

Oh, another blog post about me. Amazing.

I guess there isn’t much to talk about, really. I can be awkward sometimes. I can also be really talkative and sarcastic during others. Sometimes I enjoy talking to people and meeting new friends, and other times I really couldn’t care less. I try to come off as this really chill person who doesn’t really care about other people’s opinion. I try to be nice to everyone. I try to always make people I meet laugh. I want to make myself seem approachable all the time so I try to keep a smile on my face (emphasis on the “try” because sometimes it doesn’t work out and I unconsciously put on a face that makes everyone think I hate them). I can be incredibly introverted when I’m put in certain situations, especially if I am by myself. I can be outgoing in others, if I really feel like it. No one really helped me form my identity kit. I feel like I formed it myself through adapting to other situations and people and their identity kits. The most recent identity kit I’ve formed is probably one I made from volunteering at the animal shelter. I tried to make myself seem like a person who really cares about the animals, and not just a high school student trying to get community service hours. I tired to seem approachable and reliable, and eager to help. I guess identity kits all depend on the situation.

My identity kit changes from person to person and group to group. When I’m around my closest group of friends, I’m mostly myself. I don’t have to worry about what I do or what I say. I’m in the purest form of “me” that I can be. When I’m around people who are my friends, but not ones I’d call my “best friends” I’m more quiet. I talk, but I make sure to keep my sarcasm and self-depreciating humor to a minimum. I’m still myself, but the crazy, loud, and extremely sarcastic person in me is hidden enough to where it only comes out once in a while. And around strangers, well, it changes depending on my mood. If I’m having a really good day and I’m not really stressed out or tired, ill probably talk to the person next to me if the opportunity comes up. If I am stressed out, well, I’ll probably look like I hate you to be honest. I remember in high school someone I became friends with 2 years after I actually met her had told me she thought I hated her. And I told her that I thought she hated me.

Is it mushfake? I don’t know. Maybe. I mean, I think everyone has a “self” that they don’t really consider to be how they really are. I’m pretty sure the person that you show up as to a job interview isn’t the person you really are. The point is to create a facade or identity kit that makes you seem like a responsible, reliable person, isn’t it? I mean yeah, you’re probably a responsible person but that doesn’t mean you dress up in business casual clothing all the time and you are always open to cooperating with others and whatnot. You form an identity kit that makes you seem a certain way, even if you really aren’t. You even have an identity kit for people you don’t even like. Or at least I do. I can be the fakest person in the room when I’m around a person whose presence (or existence) I don’t particularly like. Everyone does it. So it can be mushfake, at least in my opinion. But I also think mushfaking can become real. I’m pretty sure everyone has heard “fake it til’ you make it”. Quote of my life right here. If you fake enough of something, it eventually comes true. I mean, a person can fake confidence or an outgoing personality throughout high school. I’m sure at some point, being a confident and outgoing person will eventually become part of who they are. We also all fake being smart. I’m pretty sure we’ve all been in a situation where we didn’t know what the hell we were doing but still acted like we did. Or at least I have. Like when a professor asks the class if anyone is confused or if there are any questions. I usually say no and act like I know what I’m doing, but in reality I’m so confused that I don’t even know what I don’t know. But anyways, yeah, I mushfake. But I’m sure everyone else does too (or at least I hope they do.)